Is your ego making you quit?

Never give in! Never give in! Never, never, never, never - in nothing great or small, large or petty. Never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense.
Winston Churchill

One thing I think can happen for some people is that they give up is because their ego won't allow them to. This ego - one that often appears strong, putting on an image of hardness or toughness - is actually easily damaged, and so in the light of difficult challenge, gives up the fight earlier than it has to, blaming something else instead.

Giving up the fight in a career.
Giving up the fight in a relationship.
Giving up the fight in exercise, or other forms of discipline.

I have been guilty of possessing such an ego which causes me to give up the fight - because it doesn't like to appear bruised. That is, genuinely bruised - in a way that it isn't like a battle scar that comes with an achievement of some kind, but a bruise that comes from not being good enough.

So all talk of limiting negative beliefs may be misguided. The real problem may be the ego - a False Ego or False Self perhaps.

If you have a False Self - maybe because you are actually in some ways a narcissist, like I believe I am - or, alternatively, a weak ego, work on getting rid of it. And the only way to do this is to force it through pain. The pain of failure so great, failure doesn't become a problem any more.

Success - an audio recording by Earl Nightingale

I came across the above video using the Stumble button. It's actually just an audio file, so feel free to plug in the headphones and sit back. I enjoyed it - apart from the non-scientific references and the suggestions towards God - but I hope this won't spoil your enjoyment too much.

What sells?

Understanding what people want has to come with understanding their core emotions. From this, you can make money.

1. What drives human beings, everywhere, regardless of geography or culture?



2. Knowing the drives of human beings, what can you sell them to allow them to fulfill these drives?

Abraham Maslow described what he thought people were moved by in his theory known as Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. The diagram often used to describe the needs are shown below.

Now, without going into too much detail (of which can be found on the Wikipedia entry), the above diagram shows what Maslow believed humans wanted from a humanistic psychology perspective.

From a simplified, evolutionary psychology perspective, one could argue that there is a simple, overarching framework as to why people buy things. They buy things that they think will make their genes survive and perpetuate in the world.

So when opening up a business, if you can create an idea associated with the purchase of this item that by doing so, their genes have a better chance of perpetuating in the world, then they will buy.

How so? Aren't there problems with that statement? What about religion, or altruism?

The religion one can be explained rather easily. People are motivated by a desire to live. The desire to live comes from the genetic blueprint that we are all born with. If we didn't want to live for at least a period for which we could pass on our genes, we would have failed the evolutionary race long ago.

Religion promises people a comfortable afterlife if followed, with the alternative choice of a miserable afterlife. Thus, a feeling explained by earthly things (i.e. the genetic desire to live), can be exploited to the point of irrationality.

Now what about altruism? For this I suggest you read The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins. He argues that altruism within families, bees, and other things is guides by a desire to pass their genes on or help similar genes to pass on (i.e. those of children or relatives). Relatives share a lot of genetic material, thus it is beneficial to help your relatives in their lives.

So, in looking as to what you can sell people anywhere, you should trigger responses that create a feeling that a person's genetic raison d'etre is being fulfilled.

Things I wish I had known before going to University

Not everyone will find going to a fantastic university a great experience. In fact, as I have found out, parts of it can be downright miserable. I studied at Oxbridge in the UK, and here’s some information you might find useful if you’re about to go there or apply soon:

Don’t expect it to be easy.
Chances are, if you have got into an elite university, you might have found work at school relatively easy. You could, in a straight-forward manner and not with a massive amount of work, get the highest grade in the class and do quite well. Well, expect to be the dumb kid. You’ve gone up a weight class, and the fights are going to be far tougher and the winners far less clearly defined.

What I’ve found out is that, even though there is this ethic of ‘effortless superiority’ present at elite institutions, in order to do well you have to do a hell of a lot of work. On your own. With no fixed structure, location, mark scheme, reading list or essay topic. And depending on the mark scheme of your university, you might get the same mark band if you work really hard as if you don’t do much work at all. This is often a massive change in how you experienced things at school, with timetables, fixed syllabi (allowing an incredibly structured approach to revision) providing a base for excellence.

The subject you did at school will be very different at university.
Liked your subject at school? You might not like the same subject/major at university, because it might be very very different. Unpleasantly so.

Not everyone will be nice.
Get used to people blanking you. They will do. Don’t feel hard about this – it just happens. If you really want to overcome this, make sure they have no chance of blanking you. Grab their hand and shake it. Befriend their friends and get them to ensure you are made welcome wherever you go.

Small towns and small networks can induce a social claustrophobia – plan releases accordingly.
Did you come from a big city? Used to be able to walk the streets anonymously, disappear and find somewhere to think? Don’t expect that at university. Here, nearly everyone you meet will be connected to you in some way. Anonymity is a hard-to-find commodity. As a remedy, plan to have an escape. Make friends with locals instead of students. Become a CouchSurfer and receive a refreshing injection of alternative thought and experience into your life on a regular basis by hosting travellers in your room. Go away at the weekend and see your friends at other universities.

The other thing is, unless you are prepared to make social mistakes, repeatedly, do not expect university to be your “awakening experience”, whether it’s in terms of your confidence, sexuality, whatever. Go find some place else to get that before you get there. And making these mistakes and learning from them can take a very, very long time indeed.

Expect things to get in the way of your goals.
Elite universities are full of ambitious people who are yet to have a major failure in their life. If you haven’t had a failure yet, chances are you will find it difficult to be humble. They will trample – and maybe you will trample too – on the dreams, goals and ambitions of others. The only way to stop this from happening, is to push on regardless in the face of narcissistic egomaniacs, and at the same time build large supplies of social and cultural capital to make you stand out from the competition.

Likewise your course will get in the way. Wanted to go to that party? Oh shit, you have an essay. Wanted to go away for the weekend? Oh that’s right, you have to do research at the library. Learn how to cope with this early on.

Money makes a difference.
The days of the poor student are gone. Everyone has money, and the people who don’t have it miss out. Sure, you can do student living on a budget – but do you want it to limit your experience? My advice is get as much money as you can from other routes – parents, gap year job, summer employment/internship etc.

Things I had wished I had known

• Know your end goal, and plan your university career with that in mind – so if you want to be a high-ranking politician in the US, chances are you will go to Yale or become a Rhodes Scholar. If you want to get into politics in the UK, go to Oxford at an old college, read PPE and join the political societies.
  
• Network, network, network – read Keith Ferrazi’s Never Eat Alone before you go to university.
  
• Do not get angry or rude with academic staff – even if they appear irrational, lazy, or completely incompetent. They write your references later on, and should be part of your network.
  
• Create a firm structure with your daily habits – and stick to it.
  
• Do not care too much about what people think or say about you. They really care more about what people think or say about them.
  
• Do not do drugs or excessive amounts of caffeine to improve your academic performance – your body will get used to it, and without it you will feel awful.
  
• If you get depressed, be honest with yourself, and don’t expect to be able to sort it out alone – go get counselling early, and if you find you don’t need it you can always drop it.
  

My conclusion
Do your research before you go to University if you want it to work for you. After all, it’s three years of your short life you’ll be there at a minimum. If necessary, take a year out to have a good think and plan for what you want to happen to you. Or really - do you need to go to university at all?

Thought crowding - a release

One thing I have noticed is that I have many ideas for topics for this blog. I thought I would share them with you.

• Loveshyness and single-sex education.
• Overcoming narcissism - fostering an interest in other people.
• Things you should consider if you're about to go to an elite university.
• The University as Assemblage.
• Are you a Docile Body?
• Persisting through pain - inner strength in pursuing goals.
• My mental fog and depression - lessons learned.
• A theory of power - my perspective to the nature/nurture argument, with a focus on Richard Dawkins and Pierre Bourdieu.
• My top websites and books - empowering you.

Career Path: Fight for honour, or playfight for fun?

I had another quick thought when I was walking down the street just now. Lest I forget it, here it is.

Is it better, in a career:

• To fight for something honourable?
• To fight for something enjoyable?

The question for me is, when I am 70 years old or so, looking back on some of the things I have done in my life, will it have been better to have taken the hard struggle (such as working in politics or public service), fighting for something which would be traditionally seen as noble and worthwhile, or alternatively, to fight in a career for something enjoyable - like working really hard to make people have a fun time, whether it's by opening a skydiving school, working in travel and/or tourism, or becoming some form of comedian or entertainer?

In the first example, the poem Invictus by William Ernest Henley springs to mind:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever Gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of Circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of Chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

SOURCE: Wikipedia

Now sure, the stoic "captain of the soul" has a great deal of honour. I used to only aspire to be this kind of person, unconquerable, striving for what was great and good. But to be honest, I wasn't happy.

Will I be more satisfied if I work hard at something which might not be described as so "honourable"? Is my ego just trying to force me to create a legacy, which I will not be able to view once I die and may not even be built?

Or should I go around and aim to work hard to put a smile on my face and the face of others? Not in a clownish sense necessarily, but in another way - whether through art, entertainment, or giving people experiences which move them in a profound and positive way?

Rising higher than man?

Two books I have read some of (although not finished) are Friedrich Nietzsche's Thus Spoke Zarathustra and Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged. But, they are definitely on my to do list.

What have these two books got in common?

1. They both attempt to say that the strong man creates a meaning for himself and his life.
   
2. Both books had a tendency to egg on the masculine - my personal opinion is to vary this concept, and egg on specifically masculine energy with regards to success. All successful people tend to possess masculine energy - think Margaret Thatcher for example, someone who, in a colloquial sense, had bigger balls than the whole of her party combined.
3. They both speak from an Athiestic viewpoint.

I must say I am not an expert in either of these two books or the philosophy of their authors. And I think both books are incredibly valuable, influencing the thoughts of some of the most famous (and often, infamous) people of power worldwide. But, do they miss a certain point? Do they miss the sense of "being" in describing how for man to create a purpose in his life?

Since reading The Power of Now, I have had a significant paradigm shift. Many of the bad experiences and missed opportunities have resulted from my egoic mind. However, both - especially Ayn Rand - champion rationalism, the modus operandi for the egoic mind.

I think both were missing out something from the human experience in their philosophies. I think they both experienced what Tolle describes as "being" - Nietzsche spent time in thought in Switzerland, and Zarathustra spent time pondering life in the mountains before coming down to speak. Rand's romantic descriptions clearly show an appreciation of aesthetic beauty, and I am sure that neither Dagny Taggart or Hank Rearden were thinking about life whilst in the throws of passion - they would have just been there in the moment, in the same way that Tolle describes.

So, in my opinion, trying to accommodate for the three constituents of person (consciousness, mind and body) is not easy if one is to simply read the above books. Will discuss this further later.

Consciousness, Mind, and Body

Yesterday I finished with the conclusion that in an attempt to figure out what I want, getting an answer wasn't straight forward.

And that is because I really no longer know what I want. Even if I knew I couldn't fail, I still don't know.

This will come of a surprise to many of you. It came as a surprise to me. Having read Tony Robbins books, self-help guides, and written more mission statements and SMART goals than you can wave a stick at, I feel unfulfilled.

The cause of lack of fulfillment
One of the main reasons why I no longer plan away is because it was making me unhappy. Even if I achieved some goals, didn't fulfill others, took all failures as "mis-takes" and lessons, it didn't seem right.

One reason was I had become an athiest. No longer a Catholic, prayer wasn't for me now, and doing what I thought the Big Man would have liked me to do was not the answer.

So what was?

Working towards a theory of person
If there is no God, then figuring out what your passions or values are can be difficult. It's hard. Also, I had recently come across the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. This, which I read after a major project had gone severely wrong, and was recommended as a book by a friend, opened my eyes.

I am not my mind. I am not my thoughts. I am only the Now.

I cannot explain this in great detail here - the concept for newcomers requires reflection. But it answered why I had felt bad for so long. I had been controlled by my Ego - and I thought I was my Ego. I thought I was that running narrative inside my head that thinks of only the past or the future, and its goal is to make the future how it wants to have it.

The result is that I had been failing to enjoy life for the last few years. My only respite and enjoyment came from travel - by being 5,000 miles away from work, I stopped thinking and started living, enjoying the moment. But come back to work, and the Ego rose again with its constant planning, and narrative of "this must be done better" or "I wish I could have that... I feel depressed I can't."

Now, being an Athiest, I am not going to simply retreat to this spiritual realm that Tolle describes. Alternatively, I have thought of a theory (which might have come from someone else) to explain who I am. My wish is that by knowing who I am, I will know what I want.

So, what am I made of?
I came up with three components that could be me.

• Consciousness - this is the thoughtless 'being' that Tolle describes in his book. This is a state of being timeless, in the Now, feeling everything as it happens and forgetting the past and the future, for they are only illusions.
• Mind - the Ego. The narrative that runs through the brain, recalling memories, making plans, and using the power of cognition to create a strategy for existence.
• Body - every physical aspect of self, from the body as a whole, to the nutritional and health state of the body, to the neural connections within the brain that cause the sensation of Consciousness and the ability to think.

Now, I am not just one of the parts above - I am all. And they all interact with each other.

For example, by taking LSD, I would be changing my body, which in effect would change the Mind and my Consciousness.

My Mind concentrating on poor achievements and performance would have the effect of causing physiological changes in my body, with stress perhaps reducing the performance of my immune system and raising my heart rate.

And by meditating, accessing Consciousness, my heart rate would slow and the Mind would reduce in intensity and effect on the body.

I believe in deciding what I want to do with my life, or what my specific raison d'etre is, I need to analyse each part of myself as a whole to determine what I should be doing and aiming for.

What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?

This is one concept I have been thinking of in recent days.

What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?

I have been doing some introspection, and I have thought - the times when I have conned myself most, have been those when I did not want to go for the most.

Many problems can be traced back to this:

• Choosing a degree that was easy to get into - because I could have failed at getting into a more difficult one.
• Not being honest with female friends who I have been attracted to - because I could have rejected.
• Not going to the top boss at the company I work for, and telling him my new idea - because he might not have acted on my suggestion.

Now, of course there are losses that could occur from taking risks - I could have ended up at a far poorer university, I could have alienated my female friends, and I might have had a tough ride at work.

But thinking about this - you only have one shot at life. But within life itself, you can take many routes.

If you were to take the highest risk, highest return route at every turn - would your life turn out better?

This interesting article by Lena Sanchez attempts to answer that question. Failure, is simply a lesson. Anthony Robbins and others prefer to speak of mis-takes, just like a take in a movie was done incorrectly. Learn, think, and take again - maybe going for a different angle or shot this time.

Look retrospectively. If you had actually done something you wanted, but didn't because of failure, what would you have actually lost by now, at this moment in time? Would you be dead? Probably not. Would you be starving? Unlikely, unless you were foolish in your risk taking. Would you have learnt something? Absolutely.

My opinion is that fear of failure comes from in many cases the Ego. You don't want to appear bruised. You'd much rather go for something second-rate, get that, and then overblow its significance to your friends, business contacts, whoever.

But likewise, in myself, the desire for success comes from the Ego. My Ego wants to achieve things. So, what do I really want?

Is my Ego hedging my life?

Now, this is a thought that has just sprung to mind. Hedging is a tool used by the financial industry to reduce risk with investments. Put it simply, if you put money in two pots, there is less chance of both of them going completely empty. If the over all sum gets bigger, you can show this growth off - i.e. boast about your success in life. If it gets smaller, well, you haven't lost everything.

Many tools for business analysis can also be applied as life strategies:

• SWOT analysis - looking internally at your strengths and weaknesses, and looking to the world outside for opportunities and threats.
  
• Determing your personal Mission, Vision and Values.

The thing with hedging your life though is, although it might turn out profitably, did you really get what you wanted? Wouldn't you feel disappointed that you didn't go for something that truly fitted with your nature?

The key question for me, in asking why I have done the things I have done, and why I have avoided the things that I thought I could fail in, requires some form of introspection.

Who am I? What is man composed of?

What do I really want? Or, is the question, what state do I want? What existence do I want?

Do I want to make a story, or live a journey?

In the beginning

This is the first blog I have created out of total anonymity. The desire is for not one piece of information to be able to identify me with the general public.

I aim to put some of the things I read and learn on here for myself and others to view, although due to my tendency to be somewhat narcissistic I will refrain from writing as if there is an audience.

Some topics I may wish to include are:

• The Philosophy of Mind.
• Self-Improvement.
• Controlling the Mind, Body and Spirit as part of the one human trinity.
• Objectivism.
• Sexuality and sexual attraction.
• Masculinity.
• Self-actualization.

I also wish to include links to websites I find personally fulfilling, and use this as some form of thought-tracking diary.