Redefining my reality - becoming an entrepreneur

"If it flies, floats or fornicates, always rent it - it's cheaper in the long run."
Felix Dennis - entrepreneur

I have to admit, how I was feeling on Sunday most likely had a specific cause. I had just spent a week writing two essays which I had had two years to do. To get them done of course, I took a commonly used at college substance that jumps up the dopamine levels in the brain - great for getting work done, but there is always the crash afterwards.

But the feeling of despair has been around a while - that's why I started the blog, as a way of venting some steam. It primary aim was to help me articulate ideas, but if as a secondary aim it happens to provide value for others, then great.

The common question has kept on coming to me for as long as I can remember: what do I want to do with my life? I even mentioned this when I was very young - the earliest recorded example was when my mother gave me a scientific reference encylcopaedia when I was six years old. On the insert it said "Dear Dolgeville, I hope you will be what you want to be", and it was listed with the date. At the time I had wanted to become a scientist, with the movie Ghostbusters being particularly important.

Eventually, as I became older, I set myself new goals:
- Earn £3000 and spend a month in Africa. Done (age 16)
- Earn another £3000 and spend another month in Africa, and climb a mountain while you're at it. Done (age 18)
- Get into one of the world's most prestigious universities. Done (age 19)

And there were a few other significant goals in there that I haven't mentioned as it might make it obvious to some who I am. But recently, I have failed - not just at one goal, but a succession of goals all in order. Fail, fail, fail, fail. All over the course of three years. And that's been tough for me. And it has damaged my identity.

I don't "fail" like this. Sure, I have failed - but I usually learn from it, take it as a mis-take so to speak, and go on. But to fail consistently, time and time again, for the first time in your life - that's hard. And it hasn't just been hard, it's challenged the identity I created for myself. I am no longer who I "wanted to be" to use the words of my mother many years ago.

But, as I come towards the end of my degree course, knowing full well that my grade will be pretty awful, I am filled with a sense of relief. I'll be out of here in a few weeks. No more commitment to the institution. No more commitment to the essays. No more conforming to a reality of writing conceptual essays of bullshit, adding no value to myself or others.

In effect, I believe my world is opening up for me. Leaving university, I can carve out a new reality. And I think perhaps my next goal, to become an entrepreneur.

One of the inspirations for me, in a strange kind of way, is Felix Dennis. This guy has a rock solid reality. Sure, he was jailed for obscenity, had a harem of 14 call girls, and was once addicted to crack cocaine. But he's now worth over £700m, and there has to be something in that. I've put some videos below, and although they mostly promote his book, they're interesting to watch. Also FT.com has a series of interviews with entrepreneurs, from all different backgrounds.

Perhaps I'll change my mind in a few years about the direction of my life, but I think the journey to make money will prove to be an interesting one.

Information about Felix Dennis

Some interviews from YouTube:

Part 1 - Felix Dennis Interview

Part 2 - Felix Dennis Interview

Part 3 - Felix Dennis Interview

What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?

This is one concept I have been thinking of in recent days.

What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?

I have been doing some introspection, and I have thought - the times when I have conned myself most, have been those when I did not want to go for the most.

Many problems can be traced back to this:

• Choosing a degree that was easy to get into - because I could have failed at getting into a more difficult one.
• Not being honest with female friends who I have been attracted to - because I could have rejected.
• Not going to the top boss at the company I work for, and telling him my new idea - because he might not have acted on my suggestion.

Now, of course there are losses that could occur from taking risks - I could have ended up at a far poorer university, I could have alienated my female friends, and I might have had a tough ride at work.

But thinking about this - you only have one shot at life. But within life itself, you can take many routes.

If you were to take the highest risk, highest return route at every turn - would your life turn out better?

This interesting article by Lena Sanchez attempts to answer that question. Failure, is simply a lesson. Anthony Robbins and others prefer to speak of mis-takes, just like a take in a movie was done incorrectly. Learn, think, and take again - maybe going for a different angle or shot this time.

Look retrospectively. If you had actually done something you wanted, but didn't because of failure, what would you have actually lost by now, at this moment in time? Would you be dead? Probably not. Would you be starving? Unlikely, unless you were foolish in your risk taking. Would you have learnt something? Absolutely.

My opinion is that fear of failure comes from in many cases the Ego. You don't want to appear bruised. You'd much rather go for something second-rate, get that, and then overblow its significance to your friends, business contacts, whoever.

But likewise, in myself, the desire for success comes from the Ego. My Ego wants to achieve things. So, what do I really want?

Is my Ego hedging my life?

Now, this is a thought that has just sprung to mind. Hedging is a tool used by the financial industry to reduce risk with investments. Put it simply, if you put money in two pots, there is less chance of both of them going completely empty. If the over all sum gets bigger, you can show this growth off - i.e. boast about your success in life. If it gets smaller, well, you haven't lost everything.

Many tools for business analysis can also be applied as life strategies:

• SWOT analysis - looking internally at your strengths and weaknesses, and looking to the world outside for opportunities and threats.
  
• Determing your personal Mission, Vision and Values.

The thing with hedging your life though is, although it might turn out profitably, did you really get what you wanted? Wouldn't you feel disappointed that you didn't go for something that truly fitted with your nature?

The key question for me, in asking why I have done the things I have done, and why I have avoided the things that I thought I could fail in, requires some form of introspection.

Who am I? What is man composed of?

What do I really want? Or, is the question, what state do I want? What existence do I want?

Do I want to make a story, or live a journey?