I need therapy...

I need therapy. That's my decision. Self-help books and so on can only help so much. If you can't break out of your mental state alone, get someone to help you do it. Even if you have to pay for it.

Having a negative mental state, caused by very real psychological problems, are very difficult to solve alone. Some are more difficult than others. Even if one tries to change their actions, hoping that the outcomes will reinforce positive beliefs, the mind may just refute it entirely - by creating an emotional state, biochemically, that drains one of one's esteem, pride, and sense of satisfaction. It's like a near-permanent feeling of shitness, which even if someone tries to convince you is irrational, doesn't change the way you feel.

Traits I might have to explore are:
Has perfectionism caused my depressive nature?
Do I have narcissistic personality disorder?
Should I cut my parents and family out of my life?

In most species, faithfulness is a fantasy

Natalie Angier of the New York Times discusses why faithfulness is a complete myth.

While I would love to copy this article in full, I believe to do so would probably infringe copyright, you will have to click on the link above.

I was forwarded this article by signing up to Sam Vaknin's email list on narcissism.