Redefining my reality - becoming an entrepreneur

"If it flies, floats or fornicates, always rent it - it's cheaper in the long run."
Felix Dennis - entrepreneur

I have to admit, how I was feeling on Sunday most likely had a specific cause. I had just spent a week writing two essays which I had had two years to do. To get them done of course, I took a commonly used at college substance that jumps up the dopamine levels in the brain - great for getting work done, but there is always the crash afterwards.

But the feeling of despair has been around a while - that's why I started the blog, as a way of venting some steam. It primary aim was to help me articulate ideas, but if as a secondary aim it happens to provide value for others, then great.

The common question has kept on coming to me for as long as I can remember: what do I want to do with my life? I even mentioned this when I was very young - the earliest recorded example was when my mother gave me a scientific reference encylcopaedia when I was six years old. On the insert it said "Dear Dolgeville, I hope you will be what you want to be", and it was listed with the date. At the time I had wanted to become a scientist, with the movie Ghostbusters being particularly important.

Eventually, as I became older, I set myself new goals:
- Earn £3000 and spend a month in Africa. Done (age 16)
- Earn another £3000 and spend another month in Africa, and climb a mountain while you're at it. Done (age 18)
- Get into one of the world's most prestigious universities. Done (age 19)

And there were a few other significant goals in there that I haven't mentioned as it might make it obvious to some who I am. But recently, I have failed - not just at one goal, but a succession of goals all in order. Fail, fail, fail, fail. All over the course of three years. And that's been tough for me. And it has damaged my identity.

I don't "fail" like this. Sure, I have failed - but I usually learn from it, take it as a mis-take so to speak, and go on. But to fail consistently, time and time again, for the first time in your life - that's hard. And it hasn't just been hard, it's challenged the identity I created for myself. I am no longer who I "wanted to be" to use the words of my mother many years ago.

But, as I come towards the end of my degree course, knowing full well that my grade will be pretty awful, I am filled with a sense of relief. I'll be out of here in a few weeks. No more commitment to the institution. No more commitment to the essays. No more conforming to a reality of writing conceptual essays of bullshit, adding no value to myself or others.

In effect, I believe my world is opening up for me. Leaving university, I can carve out a new reality. And I think perhaps my next goal, to become an entrepreneur.

One of the inspirations for me, in a strange kind of way, is Felix Dennis. This guy has a rock solid reality. Sure, he was jailed for obscenity, had a harem of 14 call girls, and was once addicted to crack cocaine. But he's now worth over £700m, and there has to be something in that. I've put some videos below, and although they mostly promote his book, they're interesting to watch. Also FT.com has a series of interviews with entrepreneurs, from all different backgrounds.

Perhaps I'll change my mind in a few years about the direction of my life, but I think the journey to make money will prove to be an interesting one.

Information about Felix Dennis

Some interviews from YouTube:

Part 1 - Felix Dennis Interview

Part 2 - Felix Dennis Interview

Part 3 - Felix Dennis Interview